Every time another woman is killed, the same debate resurfaces. Was she in the wrong place? Did she ignore warning signs? Should she have made different choices? These questions distract us from the real issue. Women are not responsible for the violence committed against them. The responsibility for murder lies first and foremost with the perpetrator.
So, are men to blame? The answer is yes—but only to the extent that men are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of femicide. Kenyan data consistently shows that the vast majority of perpetrators are male, and in most cases they are people known to the victim, including husbands, intimate partners, boyfriends, or family members. Studies also show that around 77% of femicide victims are killed by someone they know, highlighting that the greatest danger often exists within trusted relationships rather than from strangers.
However, stopping the conversation there risks oversimplifying a much deeper problem. Men are not born violent. Society plays a significant role in shaping beliefs about masculinity, power, entitlement, conflict resolution, and relationships. From an early age, many boys are taught that showing emotion is weakness, that dominance is a sign of strength, and that control over women is a marker of masculinity. When these harmful norms combine with poor emotional regulation, economic stress, substance abuse, and weak accountability, they can create conditions where violence becomes normalized.
This is why the question should not simply be, “Who killed her?” It should also be, “Who raised him?” Families, schools, religious institutions, the media, and communities all influence how boys understand manhood. When society excuses controlling behaviour, glorifies aggression, or fails to teach boys empathy, respect, and non-violent conflict resolution, it contributes to the environment in which femicide occurs.
Kenya’s recent statistics are alarming. Reports indicate that 2024 recorded the highest number of femicide cases in recent years, while many perpetrators were intimate partners or other men known to the victims. These figures demonstrate that femicide is not merely a criminal justice issue; it is a socialization crisis.
Addressing femicide therefore requires more than stronger laws and harsher sentences. It requires transforming the social norms that shape boys into men. We must raise boys who respect women as equals, reject violence as a means of asserting power, communicate emotions in healthy ways and understand that love can never coexist with control or abuse.
The blame for femicide ultimately rests with those who commit these crimes. But if we are serious about prevention rather than reaction, society must accept its collective responsibility for nurturing the next generation of men. Ending femicide begins long before the crime. It begins with how we raise our boys.
